Alone, lonely, single, these all have negative connotations because of society, this teaches kids that being alone isn’t a good thing and that they need someone to feel happy, validated, or less lonely. I recently taught myself how wrong I was.
I had a problem being alone, I didn't know how to find self love, confidence, or how to be emotionally alone because it wasn’t something that I was taught when I was a kid. I would be in relationships or always talking to someone just to fill a hole in myself. The hole that would make me feel safe, loved, and less alone.
Recently I noticed a problem I had where I would put other people's needs above my own during relationships and I would lose sight of my personal goals because I felt happy just having someone there so I wouldn't move forward with life. I would be stuck. I knew it wasn't healthy because every time I would end things I felt like I needed the person and I would feel empty after.
Once I noticed this problem that I would stop making time for my own goals, I attempted to stop that cycle with my next partner. I was able to achieve my goal for a few weeks but once I really started to fall for the person I fell into that hole again, and it scared me once I realized I was back where I started.
I ended things with the person and took a step back to really check myself. I decided the only way I could change is to force myself to be alone and face my fears of not having anyone to reassure me, love me, or care for me. I needed to be there for myself. Although it took some time, eventually I was able to see myself happy without anyone. I was able to reassure myself and be truly happy. I was able to fill the hole. I am happy.
Now that my goals have become a lot clearer for myself I don't want to go back into a relationship at all. I would say that it is because it isn't what i want right now but If I'm being honest it is partly because I am scared to fall back into that whole, so for now I plan on working on myself and my future alone.
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That’s a much harder thing to do than it seems, breaking a cycle that to the outside world isn’t a bad thing, it’s something I struggle with as well, only difference is that I don’t think I have the strength to do what you have done, I have a problem with putting my wants and needs aside to help other people with theirs, it’s easier to do that because then you don’t need to face your issues. Which is why I think that what you did was very brave, it’s something that not many people are willing to do, don’t ever feel bad about choosing to do it either.
ReplyDeletePowerful post, Krishna. I completely understand your struggle with being alone, which I feel is something most of us are beginning to deal with. I'm glad you had that realization that your life wasn't on the right track. It shows that you're a person with good intentions. I'm so glad you found your way. This encouraged me to do better.
ReplyDeleteThis blog really hit home and perfectly carries the right message when it comes to self-dependency. It’s always important to take a step back from it all, despite the many challenges braved, without a break you risk losing to it. Loneliness is often negative but like you said, there is an importance in self reliance, be happy not only with others, but with yourself. Do remember though, too much a good thing will always be bad, loneliness can be intoxicating and damaging when partook of too much.
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