Abstract Apathy And Agonizing Death
Hello, welcome to my first and last core memory blog covering the very cheerful topic of death. Now to start off we rewind back to the begone age known as 2019 when my grandfather fell over, shattering his frail bones on the hardwood floors of his home. This kick started a chain of events that basically started a clock for when he would eventually die. In the years after this fall he would be administered into a retirement home and also diagnosed with Altzheimer's, could be related with the fall, could not be, I’m a bit hazy on the facts. We visited him a couple times and each time he just seemed to get worse, barely alive and what little neurons still functioned could barely put together that he was talking to his children. Yet he always remembered my name, every time. As expected of somebody in that pitiful state he would die, and we grieved of course. With his death came introspection, I began to think about it, think about the fact I didn’t really feel anything about it.
Admittedly I never really had a deep bond with him, hell I didn’t even realize he was missing fingers the entire time I knew him up until near the end of his life. Yet I thought about it often, still do whenever my mind wanders; I think about how my impact in his life could be enough to elicit a faint memory whilst I didn’t even grieve at his passing. Then I thought of my close ones, friends, family, and wondered if I would grieve at their passing. It’s the doubt that eats away at me the most, the obvious answer should be yes yet I don’t think I will and I’m not sure how I should feel about that. So I just carry on, wait and see when the time comes for the answer to reveal itself one way or another.
This memory has just stuck out to me, I assume because it’s still fresh in my waning memory, plus the added bonus that I had a lot to say about it. The memory kickstarted many ideas to occupy my thoughts like the fear of losing my memory and how I wish to spend my mortality. Also gets me to think about how much I write about all the doom and gloom in the blogs so far, maybe I’ll write about something a little more cheerful later on (Doubtful). Until then that is the end of my blog and because I can’t think of a way to end this here is a link to cute animal pictures
https://www.reddit.com/r/Eyebleach/
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This was descriptive and vivid. I love the way you wrote this and your strong word choices. The read was chilling and got me emotionally invested. Sometimes, even the deaths of people we hardly know can affect us, and that is something I can relate to. We all have different reactions to death, as it depends on bond with the person who died, personality and mindset, and previous personal experiences. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way of how you should come to terms with a person’s death. I think how you dealt with your grandfather’s death was understandable.
ReplyDeleteYour post was a great way to deal with the loss of a family member. The metaphors that you used to describe the situation when your grandfather fell were actually very strong. When he died you remembered all the great times that you guys had together and in the past, you had a feeling that one of these days, this situation would happen.
ReplyDeleteI was instantly hooked when I saw your title. Your description of you and your grandpa was very vivid and very well written. I understand the feeling of loss towards the death of someone you weren’t close with. Feeling numb and unable to grieve is a natural response at times like these.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love how the photo you chose directly ties into what you’re writing about. The moment I saw your photo is when I knew your post was going to be about death. Personally, I think it’s okay if you don’t feel anything or be only a little sad about someone’s death if you didn’t know them very well, but I would still make an effort to grieve for them. A person’s death will always have some impact on you, whether you were close to them or not.
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